Get over it

 

I can't remember the last time I was this nervous.  Actually, not even nervous.  It was a near panic attack.

 

Riding on a busy road is nothing I haven't done before.  Hell, I've been on Elmwood Avenue during rush hour.  But Monday was different.

 

The trial of Megan Merkel and Mark Scerbo started a couple weeks ago.  They are both charged with the death of Heather Boyum, a local mother, teacher, and triathlete.  Both Merkel and Scerbo were drunk, doing bath salts (according to the lab work), and operating a car and motorcycle, respectively, without a license.  This week, Heather's training partner recounted how she saw Heather look back and scream right before Scerbo hit her with the motorcycle.  She was then thrown in front of the car driven by Merkel.

I figured that's how it went down.  But riding in Geneva, on a road I've ridden a couple times before, I was more worried.  Maybe it was because D texted me "look out for drunk drivers.  Especially in Geneva".  I'm always cautious, but that just made me scared.  And for the first time in a really long time in my training, my fear got the best of me. 

 

My plan was to ride 30 miles.  I only rode 17.  Every car that drove by, despite the good clearance they gave me, threw me off balance.  I literally was whimpering with every wind gust, certain I'd go down.  I couldn't get a groove.  My speed was fine, but I felt horrible.  Even stopping intimidated me, wondering if I would brake smoothly enough and unclip.

 

I was frustrated.  In tears.  I survive 2 tours in Iraq, driving streets full of debris, bad drivers, and people who actually wanted to kill me. 

 

And I let East Lake Road get the best of me.  I suck.