Powered by food, flab, and a healthy mindset

Last night on my run, I came to an executive decision.

"Stop fighting what I cannot change about myself"

I know, I know.  You all thought I was pretty damn perfect.

But I have my demons - shocker!  To name a few...

-I wish I was taller-
-I wish my hair/eyebrows/eyelashes were darker
-I wish my thighs were slimmer
-I wish I didn't have T-rex arms
-I wish my boobs were smaller
-I wish I didn't still break out like a teenager
-I wish my nose was smaller/shorter
-I wish my neck wasn't so thick


**Thankfully I'm pretty happy with my ass size (or the fact that I have one, which is NOT an Aukeman trait.  And this is something that my paternal grandmother reportedly pointed out at my birth)

Funny how I'm also pretty bitchy and moody, but I don't have an agenda to change that (even though I could). 

I wasn't always built this way.  I did ballet for 10 years and was slender.  I played lacrosse, rugby, and worked as a volunteer firefighter.  My body has evolved (and I'm not using that as a fancy way to say "fatter") as much as my interests.

Runners come in all shapes and sizes and speed abilities.  And us thicker varieties aren't "joggers". 

I remember my Mom telling me an old phrase that she heard as a child:  Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly is to the bone.

I'd like to think of myself as a beautiful person on the inside despite how I loathed my body.  I hope that people think of me as empathetic, compassionate, and as a good friend.  In spite of the love handles.  My body will continue to "evolve" (NOW you can insert "get fatter").   But I ever strive to be a beautiful person on the inside.

So, over the course of my run last night, I felt strong even though I was tired.  I was running at a pretty decent pace that felt easier (which thankfully was evidenced by a lower heart rate than normal).  I thought about how I've only been a runner for 4.5 years, and how I've stuck with it despite injuries and other setbacks.  I amazed myself that I set goals to accomplish, and even when I don't reach goals, I haven't quit (although the idea teases me from time to time). 

As each footstep fell, I felt spring in my stride and enjoyed the crisp air in my lungs.  No, I don't have the body of Kara Goucher, but I amaze myself that I run to compete, and run for fun.  My legs are strong enough to carry me mile after mile.  And for that, I am one lucky girl.

And because of the personal accomplishments I've achieved, and how easy my run felt, I decided to quit hating my body as much as I do.

At 38, it's probably only downhill from here (and not the good kind of running downhill, either!)